Matrescence – Kristen Catapang https://kristencatapang.com Daily Ginhawa. One small ritual at a time. Tue, 01 Sep 2026 20:03:31 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9 https://kristencatapang.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/cropped-Pink-and-Black-Modern-Initials-Logo-Design-1-32x32.png Matrescence – Kristen Catapang https://kristencatapang.com 32 32 Letter No. 21 | How Do You Actually Start? https://kristencatapang.com/letter-no-21-the-anchor-and-repeat/ https://kristencatapang.com/letter-no-21-the-anchor-and-repeat/#respond Mon, 27 Jul 2026 13:00:00 +0000 https://kristencatapang.com/?p=10961 Read More]]>

Last week I asked, would she do this? This week, I realized knowing the answer was not the hard part. Starting was.

I could picture her clearly. Rested. Grounded. Doing things imperfectly. And still, I would sit there not moving, because the gap between where I actually was and where she already was felt too wide to cross.

That is the part people rarely warn us about. We get clear on who we want to become, and then the size of the gap becomes the reason we do nothing at all.


I used to think that meant something was wrong with me. That I was lazy, or inconsistent, or just not disciplined enough. But the more I paid attention, especially in postpartum, the more I saw that it was not really about discipline. It was about resistance.

When a change feels too big, our brain treats it like a threat. It doesn’t pause to ask whether the change is good for us. It only notices that it’s unfamiliar, and unfamiliar usually means work. That’s why “becoming her” can feel inspiring one minute and completely paralyzing the next. Becoming her all at once is too much. But one small thing? That’s different.

One glass of water paired with my morning supplement. One minute of movement, usually a YouTube video or a plain stretch, while my baby was still asleep. One real meal sitting down instead of standing at the kitchen counter. One small action that matched the woman I wanted to become, even if the rest of the day was messy.

That is how I started. Not with the full routine. Not with a perfect version of motherhood. Just one thing she would do. And then another. And then another.


Last week, I asked you to picture her and let her decide what you’d do. But I want to be clear about something, because I got this wrong for a while too. Doing what she’d do doesn’t mean copying her exactly, all at once.

She might stretch for twenty minutes. I could barely do one. She might read for an hour. Some days I had one page. That doesn’t mean I’m doing a smaller, sadder version of her. It means I’m doing her, just earlier. She’s not stretching for twenty minutes because she’s stronger than me. She’s stretching for twenty minutes because she’s had two hundred days of practice. I’m on day one of that same road. Same direction, same choice, just small enough to survive my worst days.

She’s not stretching for twenty minutes because she’s stronger than me. She’s stretching for twenty minutes because she’s had two hundred days of practice.

And that first small thing does something worth noticing. It makes the rest of the day feel a little less heavy. Not easy. Just lighter. More possible. You barely register it happening in the moment, but do it enough mornings in a row, and it stops being a choice you have to talk yourself into. It just becomes the thing you do now.

That’s what I wish someone had told me sooner. You don’t start from some perfect future version of yourself, the one who has it all figured out. You start from exactly where you are right now. On the tired days. On the days the baby won’t settle. On the days your own thoughts feel scattered before you’ve even had coffee.

Not where the ideal mom in your head lives. Not where the woman on your feed seems to live, with her calm mornings and matching sets. Where you actually are.


So if you are trying to become her, do not wait for the big moment. Do not wait until you feel ready. Do not wait until you have more time, more energy, or more clarity. Pick the smallest possible version of the thing. So small it almost feels too simple to count. Then do that. And do it again tomorrow.

That is how becoming her actually works, at least for me. Not all at once. Just one small choice at a time.

I started this by asking who I wanted to become. Then why she matter enough to chase. Then whether she’d do the thing in front of me. And now I know the last piece: you don’t wait to become her. You start today, exactly where you are, with whatever small thing you can actually do.

Most days, she’s not far away. She’s just one step ahead of me.

With love,

Kristen


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Letter No. 20 | Would She Do This? https://kristencatapang.com/letter-no-20-start-embarassingly-small/ https://kristencatapang.com/letter-no-20-start-embarassingly-small/#respond Mon, 20 Jul 2026 13:00:00 +0000 https://kristencatapang.com/?p=10957 Read More]]>

Last week I asked why becoming her mattered.

This week I kept thinking about those early postpartum days, when I was tired in a way that went deeper than sleep. Not just from healing. Not just from waking up at night. I was tired from the constant stream of advice, tips, routines, and opinions telling me what I should be doing next.


There is so much information now. Every postpartum tip, every recovery routine, every “no one told me this, but you need to know it” post is right there, all the time. And instead of helping, it sometimes made everything feel heavier. I did not know what I truly needed anymore. I only knew there was always more I could be learning, more I could be doing, more I could be fixing.

At first, I just wanted to feel like myself again. To heal. To get through the day without feeling like I was falling apart. But then I started seeing one thing after another. Pelvic floor work. Postpartum nutrition. Hormone support. Milk supply supplements. Recovery routines other moms swore by.

Suddenly I was not just healing. I was researching healing.

I was collecting information instead of resting. Trying to optimize a season that really needed gentleness. And somewhere in all of that, I realized I was no longer asking what I needed. I was asking what I was missing.

That is when I started asking a different question.

Would she do this?


Her, meaning the woman I actually want to become. Not the perfectly polished postpartum version of motherhood I might see online. Not the woman who looks like she has every answer. Her. The woman who is healed enough to listen to herself. Present enough to slow down. Gentle enough to let things be simple.

Would she spend the one quiet hour she gets reading another article about what she should eat, or would she sit down and actually rest?
Would she buy one more trending shortcut supplement because everyone says it helps, or would she make something warm and trust that her body needs care more than pressure?
Would she chase doing this perfectly, or would she let this season be slow, ordinary, and real?

That question changed things for me.

It did not ask me to know everything. It asked me to picture the kind of woman I wanted to become, then let her lead. And once I started doing that, the noise got a little quieter. Not because the internet changed, but because I changed how I was listening.

It stopped being only about postpartum, too. I started using that question everywhere. What I read. What I wore. How I spent a quiet morning. Whether I was choosing from pressure or from peace.

Instead of asking, What is the most optimized way to do this? I started asking, What would she naturally do?

And honestly, that gave me more clarity than any perfect routine ever did.

She did not need to know everything. She just needed to know herself a little better and give things time.


So if you are in that place right now, the one where there is too much to read, too many opinions, too many things you are supposed to be doing, especially in a season as tender as postpartum, try this instead.

Picture her.

Ask if she would do the thing in front of you.

If the answer is no, you can let it go.

You do not always need one more article. Sometimes you just need to pause long enough to ask what she would do, and trust that answer.

You do not always need one more article.


With love,

Kristen


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Letter No. 19 | Why Do You Want to Become Her? https://kristencatapang.com/why-do-you-want-to-become-her/ https://kristencatapang.com/why-do-you-want-to-become-her/#respond Mon, 13 Jul 2026 13:00:00 +0000 https://kristencatapang.com/?p=10955 Read More]]>

Last week I asked who I wanted to become.

This week I had to ask why becoming her mattered to me at all.

I used to keep a running list of ideas. One month it was a wellness page. Then a shop. Then a coaching thing. Then something else entirely. I would get excited, start posting, and then two weeks later I’d see someone else doing something similar, doing it better, and I would quietly drop it and move on.

I told myself I was just exploring. But honestly, I just could not decide, and I could not seem to stick to anything.


Looking back, my “why” back then was superficial. I wanted to be seen as productive. Successful. Like I had it together. Definitely not like someone people would think was just sitting around at home.

So I kept chasing the idea of looking like I was doing well.

But then I realized, a why like that can only take you so far.

It can get you started, sure.

It can even give you a little burst of energy.

But it will not carry you through the hard part.


What changed for me was a simple shift. I stopped asking what would make other people see me a certain way, and started asking what I actually wanted.

What kind of person did I want to become? What kind of life did I want to live, even if no one was watching? What do I actually love doing? What am I good at? What could help someone else? What could I realistically be paid for?

Asking those questions made everything feel more real. It stopped feeling like a vague dream and made it feel like something I could actually move toward.

Around that time, I came across the Japanese concept of ikigai, the idea that your reason for being lives in the overlap of what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for.

It gave shape to something I had already been circling for a while.

And it reminded me that your why should not be performance. It should be rooted in your truth.

Your why has to sound like you, not like whoever might be watching.

That’s the difference for me now. Before, my why was borrowed. It depended on people noticing. Now it’s rooted in me, so it still holds even on the days when no one is watching and nothing feels impressive.


It reminded me that your why should not be performance. It should be rooted in your truth.


Mangarap ka nang malalim. Dream deep.


Not the kind of dream that only looks good from the outside, but the one that is truly yours. The one rooted in your own values, your own truth, not someone else’s definition.

So this month, sit with your why a little longer than feels comfortable. Ask whether it would still make sense to you when life gets heavy and no one is clapping for you. If it would, you have found a rooted why that can carry you farther than motivation ever could.

With love,

Kristen


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Letter No. 18 | Who Do You Want to Become? https://kristencatapang.com/who-do-you-want-to-become/ https://kristencatapang.com/who-do-you-want-to-become/#respond Mon, 06 Jul 2026 11:49:45 +0000 https://kristencatapang.com/?p=10941 Read More]]>

I was watching my daughter play on the floor last week, and out of nowhere, I thought, I want to be someone she can be proud of. Not proud of my job or how put together I looked. Proud of who I actually am.

That thought sat with me longer than I expected. Because if I’m honest, I didn’t really know who that person was.

For a while, I was stuck in what I now call shiny object syndrome. I’d open my phone looking for directions and find twenty different ones. A course promising to show me the way. A coach with the answer. Someone else’s success story that made mine feel behind before I’d even started. I’d get excited about one idea, then scroll a little more and get excited about a completely different one. More scrolling. More options. More confusion. I never gave myself the chance to sit still long enough to find real direction, a purpose I could actually commit to instead of chasing.


So I stopped. I put the phone down and started journaling instead. Not about what was trending or what was working for someone else, but about what I actually wanted. What I valued. What I believed, underneath all the noise. The version of me I was quietly hoping to become.

That’s when it clicked. Motherhood isn’t about turning into someone new. It’s about becoming more of who I already am, just with the parts I’d buried or ignored finally given room to grow.

She’s someone you chase, but she’s also already you.


She’s someone you chase, but she’s also already you.


Here’s the part I think we skip too often. We spend so much time asking what our kids need, what our partner needs, what will finally work for us because it worked for somebody else online… We rarely turn that question inward and ask it about ourselves. Who do I want to become? Not who should I become to keep up.

I believe this matters because no path works long-term if it isn’t rooted in you. You can follow someone else’s ten steps perfectly and still feel lost, because their path was built for their values, not yours. Ginhawa, that feeling of ease and breathing room after you’ve been holding everything together, doesn’t come from finding the right course. It comes from knowing yourself well enough to recognize when a path actually fits.


So before anything else this month, sit with this question. Who do you want to become? Not for your kids, not for your feed, just for you. You don’t need the whole answer today. You just need to start asking.

With love,

Kristen


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Letter No. 12 | Wellness From the Inside Out https://kristencatapang.com/letter-no-12-wellness-from-the-inside-out/ https://kristencatapang.com/letter-no-12-wellness-from-the-inside-out/#respond Mon, 25 May 2026 05:22:00 +0000 https://kristencatapang.com/?p=10392 Read More]]>

If you’ve ever gone down a wellness rabbit hole and come out more confused than when you started, I understand.

One account says eat six small meals. Another says fast until noon. One says cardio is everything. Another says cardio is ruining your hormones. Count your macros. Never count anything. All of it confident. Most of it contradicting itself.

And somewhere in the middle of that noise, you’re supposed to figure out what to do with your one body, your one life, your one exhausted Tuesday morning.

Here’s what I’ve come to believe after getting lost in that noise myself. The problem isn’t that there’s too much information. The problem is direction. Most of us are trying to build our wellness from the outside in, starting with what’s trending, what works for her, what the standard looks like, and then trying to squeeze ourselves into it.

But ginhawa doesn’t work that way. Ginhawa works from the inside out.


What does that actually look like? For me it looks like this.

Some mornings I follow a workout video. Some mornings it’s a walk to the caffè with my husband and daughter, a cornetto, a slow start. Some mornings it’s fifteen minutes of pilates on the floor while my daughter plays nearby. None of these look the same. But they all feel the same, like movement that belongs to my life, not to someone else’s routine I’m trying to copy.

The same goes for how I eat. I don’t follow a meal plan. I eat when I’m hungry, I choose whole foods when I can, and I take my supplement every morning as a small signal to myself that the day begins with alaga. That’s it. Simple and honest and actually mine.

And when my daughter needs me earlier than expected and the whole morning falls apart, I don’t restart from zero or spend the day feeling behind. I just adjust and continue. No guilt. No drama.



This is what inside-out means. Not ignoring what’s true about wellness, fresh air, water, rest, movement, nourishing food, these things are real and I don’t question them. But finding your own way of living them. The universal truth is outside. How you live it is yours.


The internet wellness will always have a new answer for you. A new protocol, a new study, a new thing you should probably be doing. And some of it is genuinely useful. But none of it works if you haven’t started with the question that actually matters.

Not what’s trending. Not what she’s doing. Just this: how do I want to feel?

Start there. Then go out and gather what seems useful, bring it back, and see how it actually sits in your real life. Keep what fits. Let go of what doesn’t. That’s not guesswork. That’s ginhawa.

Instead of starting with what’s trending, start with how you want to feel. Trust yourself to know the difference.


Instead of starting with what’s trending, start with how you want to feel. Trust yourself to know the difference.

With love,

Kristen


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Curious about my morning ritual?

A lot of moms ask me about the supplement that’s part of my morning ritual.

If you’re curious too, send me ALAGA on Instagram. I’d be happy to share.

Send ALAGA on Instagram →

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Letter No. 11 | A Ritual Isn’t Something You Fail; It’s Something You Return To https://kristencatapang.com/ritual-you-return-to/ https://kristencatapang.com/ritual-you-return-to/#respond Mon, 18 May 2026 07:50:00 +0000 https://kristencatapang.com/?p=10387 Read More]]>

Can I tell you what my morning actually looks like?

Not the ideal version. The real one.

Some mornings my daughter is still sleeping and I move quietly through the house trying not to wake her. Some mornings she’s already up before I am, needing me before my eyes are fully open. Some mornings we walk to the caffè down the road, cornetto, cappuccino, my husband beside us before he leaves for work, and that walk is the morning. Some mornings it’s a HIIT video on YouTube right beside our bed. Some mornings it’s twenty minutes of pilates while she plays nearby.

No two mornings look exactly the same.

But almost every morning starts the same way.

I wake up. I take my supplement. I drink a full glass of water.

That’s it. That’s where it begins.


For a long time I thought this meant I didn’t have a real routine. Because a routine, the way most of us were taught, is a fixed sequence. A specific time, a specific order, steps you follow like a checklist. When life interrupts it, and with a toddler, life always does, the routine breaks. And when it breaks, we tend to blame ourselves.

But what I actually have is something different. Not a routine. A rhythm.

A rhythm doesn’t depend on perfect conditions. It has a general shape, the same anchors showing up in roughly the same part of the day, but it bends around life rather than breaking against it. The workout moves. The walk happens later. Tuesday looks nothing like Monday. And that’s fine, because the rhythm was never about the sequence. It was about what I always come back to.


My lola understood this without ever having a word for it.

Before the sun was fully up, when the rooster outside started making noise, she was already moving. She’d sweep the leaves off the front steps, walk to the corner to buy pandesal while the bread was still warm, come home and begin the day. The same quiet movements, every morning, in roughly the same order. No app, no alarm, no plan written down anywhere.

She didn’t call it a routine. She didn’t call it anything. She just kept returning to the same small things, day after day, because they were hers.

What she had was a rhythm. And inside that rhythm, without knowing it, she had rituals.


Here’s the difference as I’ve come to live it.

A habit felt like something I had to maintain. Miss it enough and it felt broken, and every missed day carried a quiet message: you failed, start over, wait for Monday.

A ritual feels different. It’s something I belong to rather than something I have to keep up. When I miss it, it doesn’t disappear. It just waits. And when I come back, that afternoon, the next morning, whenever life allows, it’s exactly where I left it.

A rhythm is the shape of your days. A ritual is what you return to inside it. Together they become something you don’t have to force, just something you keep coming home to.

Now when I miss something I don’t spiral. I just come back.


A rhythm is the shape of your days. A ritual is what you return to inside it. Together they become something you don’t have to force, just something you keep coming home to.


So if you’ve been waiting for the right morning to begin, the uninterrupted one, the motivated one, the one where everything finally lines up, this is your reminder.

You don’t need a perfect routine. You need a rhythm flexible enough to survive your real life, and a ritual small enough to return to on your hardest days.

Find that one thing. Let it be your anchor. And when you miss it, because life will always see to that, just come back. No guilt. No restart. No waiting for Monday.

A ritual isn’t something you fail. It’s something you return to.

With love,

Kristen


Start Your Daily Ginhawa

The Ginhawa Starter is a free guide that helps you take one healthy habit and shape it into a small ritual, something that fits your real day and is gentle enough to actually stay.

If you’re craving a little more ginhawa in your everyday, this is a gentle place to begin.

Get Free Access →

Free. Less than 5 minutes to read.

Yes, I want the guide →

Curious about my morning ritual?

Many moms ask me about the supplement that’s part of my morning ritual.

If you’re curious too, send me ALAGA on Instagram. I’d be happy to share. 💗

Send ALAGA on Instagram →

You’ll land in my DMs when you tap.

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Letter No. 10 | Why Food Is My Favorite Form of Alaga https://kristencatapang.com/plans-never-made-for-you/ https://kristencatapang.com/plans-never-made-for-you/#respond Mon, 11 May 2026 06:24:00 +0000 https://kristencatapang.com/?p=10384 Read More]]>

There is a specific memory I keep coming back to.

My daughter was nursing. The house was still quiet. I had been following a plan, no snacking between meals, tracking everything, trying to shrink myself back into someone I recognized while my body was doing the most demanding work of my life.

And that morning, I reached for my favorite kakanin.

The plan said I wasn’t supposed to. But my hands were already moving. I made hot cocoa, sat down, and ate slowly, without rushing, without fighting myself for once.

It tasted like warmth. Like something my body recognized before my mind could name it.


I grew up in a home where food was never just food.

Every November 1, the whole family would go to the cemetery to visit loved ones, spreading out together, eating beside the people we were remembering. The mood was somehow both heavy and full of life at the same time. Kakanin when someone came to visit. Tilbok cooked to send off a neighbor going overseas. Extra rice at every fiesta, every gathering, every table where someone wanted to make sure you felt welcome and fed.

It was never just calories. It was how we said: you matter. This day matters. We are here together.

So when I reached for my kakanin that quiet morning, still in my pajamas, my daughter nursing, my plan already broken before 8am, my body wasn’t failing. It was remembering. It was reaching for something that had always meant care.

A calorie counting app would have flagged it. But no app can measure what those carbs were actually giving me.


Here is what diet culture never told me, and what I wish someone had said sooner.

The idea that carbs are something to fear, that sweets are a weakness, that nourishment means eating as little as possible of the things you actually love, that is not health. That is exhausting. And for a breastfeeding mother already running on empty, it was unkindness dressed up as self-improvement.

I was asking my body to do more with less while it was giving everything it had. That is not alaga. That is the opposite of it.

Real nourishment is wider than macros. It includes the memory a meal carries. The comfort of something warm when you are tired. The feeling of sitting down and actually tasting your food instead of eating standing up over the sink. The extra rice you took because it was your lola’s recipe and it tasted like every good Sunday of your childhood.

These things feed something the nutrition label cannot account for. And for mothers who have spent months putting everyone else’s needs first, being fed in that deeper way matters more than we admit.

Reaching for that kakanin wasn’t a slip. It was alaga. The kind that reminds you that you are a person, not just someone who keeps everything running.


So if you have been at war with food, counting, restricting, feeling guilty every time you ate something the plan didn’t allow, I want to offer you a gentler way of thinking about it.

Food is memory. Food is culture. Food is one of the oldest ways we have said to each other: sit down, let me take care of you.

Your body deserves that kind of care too. Not just the responsible kind. The warm, familiar, soul-feeding kind as well.

That is exactly why food is my favorite form of alaga.

Your life is not a project to finish. It’s a home you keep returning to. And every time you sit down to eat something that feeds you, body and spirit both, you are finding your way back.

Your life is not a project to finish. It’s a home you keep returning to.

With love,

Kristen


Start Your Daily Ginhawa

The Ginhawa Starter is a free guide that helps you take one healthy habit and shape it into a small ritual, something that fits your real day and is gentle enough to actually stay.

If you’re craving a little more ginhawa in your everyday, this is a gentle place to begin.

Get Your Free Access →

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Letter No. 06 | Alaga sa Diwa: The Second Root of Daily Ginhawa https://kristencatapang.com/alaga-sa-diwa/ https://kristencatapang.com/alaga-sa-diwa/#respond Mon, 13 Apr 2026 09:53:01 +0000 https://gpsites.co/avery/?p=2834 Read More]]>


It was past midnight, and I couldn’t bring myself to sleep. Not because the baby needed me — she was sound asleep. It was something else. A restlessness I couldn’t name, a quiet heavy feeling that I could no longer plan ahead. That I could no longer grow. That somewhere between the feeding schedules and the sleepless nights and the endless caregiving, the life in front of me had become smaller than the one I had imagined.

So I did something I hadn’t done in a long time. I picked up a pen, opened a notebook, and gave my thoughts somewhere to go.

I had spent five years in a career that rewarded me financially. Every day I sat across from clients, helped them navigate their finances, solved real problems for real people. It was good work. Useful work. But if you had asked me to do it for free, I wouldn’t have. That answer was trying to tell me something.

There is a difference between work you are capable of and work that is actually yours. I could do the job well. But I was never fully there. And some part of me had always known it.

Motherhood cracked that open. The anxiety of that sleepless night wasn’t really about my baby or my schedule or my plans. It was my diwa, finally refusing to be quiet.


Diwa is a Filipino word for the inner self. Not just your thoughts or your feelings, but the animating spirit of who you are — the part that has always known what you love, what you value, what you were made for. The part that existed before anyone needed anything from you.

In the busyness of early motherhood, your diwa often goes quiet. Not because she is gone. But because no one asked her how she was doing. Including you.

Alaga sa Diwa is the practice of asking. And then actually listening.

That night I didn’t find answers. I found better questions. What would I do even if no one paid me? What would I do even if no one clapped? What is the work that teaches, that helps, that heals, and also happens to sustain me?

I kept writing toward those questions, through weeks of mind mapping and long quiet days of sitting with myself. I’d read about this idea — the place where what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what can sustain you all meet at the same point. Slowly, the answer came into shape.


Alaga sa Diwa is the practice of asking. And then actually listening.


Daily Ginhawa. This blog. The conversations with moms who needed the same map I had been building for myself. Somewhere along the way I realized I had become a teacher after all. Not inside four walls. But here, in this quiet corner of the internet, sharing what I’ve lived so that another mom doesn’t have to figure it out alone.

My diwa knew this long before I did. She just needed me to sit down, past midnight, and finally listen.

Your diwa does not disappear in motherhood. She waits. She gets louder in the silences between feeds and nap times and past-midnight wakings that have nothing to do with the baby. The woman who loved to create. Who wanted to teach. Who had a dream she filed away because the practical path seemed safer. She is still there.

Matrescence asks you to let go of who you were and trust that who you are becoming is worth it. That disorientation, that quiet grief for the old version of yourself — it is not the end of your story. It is where you find room to breathe.

Daily Ginhawa begins in the body. But it deepens in the diwa. Because a body that is cared for can finally rest. And a diwa that is cared for can finally speak.

So here is the question I want to leave you with, the same one I found past midnight in a notebook when I had nothing left to perform:

What would you do even if no one clapped?

That answer belongs to you. And it has been waiting.

With love,

Kristen


Start Your Daily Ginhawa

The Ginhawa Starter is a free guide that helps you take one healthy habit and shape it into a small ritual, something that fits your real day and is gentle enough to actually stay.

If you’re craving a little more ginhawa in your everyday, this is a gentle place to begin.

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Letter No. 03 | What is Matrescence? https://kristencatapang.com/what-is-matrescence/ https://kristencatapang.com/what-is-matrescence/#respond Mon, 23 Mar 2026 10:00:31 +0000 https://gpsites.co/avery/?p=2754 Read More]]>

I wasn’t looking for anything that night.

My daughter was asleep. The house was quiet. I was lying in bed scrolling through my phone the way tired moms do when they’re too exhausted to do anything meaningful but not quite ready to sleep.

Most of the videos blurred together. Then one stopped me.

Less than a minute in, I was crying. Not from sadness. From recognition. For the first time since becoming a mother, someone was describing exactly what I had been living through. And they had a word for it.

Matrescence.


Before that moment, I thought something was wrong with me.

I loved my daughter deeply, completely. But at the same time I felt disconnected from myself. My body felt unfamiliar. My priorities had shifted in ways I hadn’t expected. The things that once felt important no longer did, and the things that now mattered most were things I’d never thought about before.

I remember wondering, quietly, in the moments between diaper changes and feedings and trying to make it through another day: who am I now?

I felt grateful to be a mother. I also felt disoriented. And I couldn’t understand why nobody had warned me about that part.

It turns out there was a reason nobody warned me. What I was experiencing wasn’t a personal failure. It wasn’t weakness. It was something that happens to every woman who becomes a mother, and it has a name.

Matrescence is the transition a woman moves through when she becomes a mother. The simplest way I can explain it: just as adolescence is the transition from child to adult, matrescence is the transition from woman to mother. And like adolescence, it changes everything. Your body, your relationships, your priorities, your sense of who you are.

What struck me most was realizing that matrescence explains something so many mothers carry quietly and alone. You can love your child completely and still grieve parts of your old life. You can feel grateful and overwhelmed in the same breath. Confident one day and completely lost the next. These things are not opposites. They exist together. In fact, for most of us, they do.


One of the hardest parts of early motherhood is that everyone prepares you for the baby. Almost nobody prepares you for what happens to you. They cover feeding, sleeping, milestones. But very few people say: you are about to change too. Not just your schedule. You, at the core of yourself.

When I finally heard the word matrescence, nothing in my life changed immediately. The laundry still needed folding. My daughter still woke up at night. I still had days when I felt exhausted and unsure of myself.

But something important shifted in how I saw myself.

I stopped seeing myself as a problem to solve and started seeing myself as someone moving through a transition. And those are two very different things. Because when you think you’re broken, you try to fix yourself. When you understand you’re changing, you learn how to care for yourself.

I stopped seeing myself as a problem to solve. I started seeing myself as someone moving through a transition. And those are two very different things.

That shift is a big part of why Daily Ginhawa matters to me. Not as another plan or program to follow. But as a gentler way to move through matrescence. Small acts of alaga that remind you who you are while you are becoming someone new. Something to return to on the days when the transition feels heavier than usual.


So if you are reading this feeling lost, overwhelmed, or strangely unlike yourself, I want you to know something.

You are not failing. You are not behind. You are not broken.

You may simply be in the middle of matrescence. The space between who you were and who you are becoming. And that space, as uncomfortable as it feels, is not empty. It is full of growth you cannot always see yet.

You are not lost. You are in the middle of something real. And you are right on time.

With love,

Kristen


Start Your Daily GinhawaThe Ginhawa Starter is a free guide that helps you take one healthy habit and shape it into a small ritual, something that fits your real day and is gentle enough to actually stay.

If you’re craving a little more ginhawa in your everyday, this is a gentle place to begin.

Free. Less than 5 minutes to read.

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