Last week I asked who I wanted to become.
This week I had to ask why becoming her mattered to me at all.
I used to keep a running list of ideas. One month it was a wellness page. Then a shop. Then a coaching thing. Then something else entirely. I would get excited, start posting, and then two weeks later I’d see someone else doing something similar, doing it better, and I would quietly drop it and move on.
I told myself I was just exploring. But honestly, I just could not decide, and I could not seem to stick to anything.
Looking back, my “why” back then was superficial. I wanted to be seen as productive. Successful. Like I had it together. Definitely not like someone people would think was just sitting around at home.
So I kept chasing the idea of looking like I was doing well.
But then I realized, a why like that can only take you so far.
It can get you started, sure.
It can even give you a little burst of energy.
But it will not carry you through the hard part.
What changed for me was a simple shift. I stopped asking what would make other people see me a certain way, and started asking what I actually wanted.
What kind of person did I want to become? What kind of life did I want to live, even if no one was watching? What do I actually love doing? What am I good at? What could help someone else? What could I realistically be paid for?
Asking those questions made everything feel more real. It stopped feeling like a vague dream and made it feel like something I could actually move toward.
Around that time, I came across the Japanese concept of ikigai, the idea that your reason for being lives in the overlap of what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for.
It gave shape to something I had already been circling for a while.
And it reminded me that your why should not be performance. It should be rooted in your truth.
Your why has to sound like you, not like whoever might be watching.
That’s the difference for me now. Before, my why was borrowed. It depended on people noticing. Now it’s rooted in me, so it still holds even on the days when no one is watching and nothing feels impressive.
It reminded me that your why should not be performance. It should be rooted in your truth.
Mangarap ka nang malalim. Dream deep.
Not the kind of dream that only looks good from the outside, but the one that is truly yours. The one rooted in your own values, your own truth, not someone else’s definition.
So this month, sit with your why a little longer than feels comfortable. Ask whether it would still make sense to you when life gets heavy and no one is clapping for you. If it would, you have found a rooted why that can carry you farther than motivation ever could.
With love,
Kristen
Start Your Daily Ginhawa
The Ginhawa Starter is a free guide that helps you take one healthy habit and shape it into a small ritual, something that fits your real day and is gentle enough to actually stay.
If you’re craving a little more ginhawa in your everyday, this is a gentle place to begin.
Free. Less than 5 minutes to read.